I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
