thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
