That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
