i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
