Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
