sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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