he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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