I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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