You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
