He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
