All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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