he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
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Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
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My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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