So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
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its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
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He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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