U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i dont even know how to be here
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
