i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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