It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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