how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
