She is in my trunk
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
