Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
