i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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