I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
