I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
