You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
