I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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