she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
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Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
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After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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