Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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