Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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