I wish I could punch you in the face.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
