dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
