so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
