it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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