Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
