I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
