well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
