I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
