Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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