Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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