I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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