What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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