so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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