you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
