Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
