haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
