So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
