and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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