You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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