He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
