at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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