Just cropdusted the office
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
