i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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