Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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