Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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