Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
