yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
