so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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