took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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