the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
