Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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