watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
