...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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