i jhust puked up my retainher.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
