I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
