I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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